I Can Look After Myself

Is it a rupture when only one of you knows about it?

On Saturday we had our last session before Anna’s two week holiday break. I was looking forward to seeing her – we’ve had a couple of months of an increasing sense of closeness and the previous two sessions in particular felt very connecting (this and this). Despite the difficult subject matter where I tentatively talked about a sensitive issue I’ve not been able to share before, I felt very seen and understood. Anna was gentle and patient with me, encouraging me to talk but making it very clear that I was in control and that we could go as slowly as I wanted. She checked in with me a number of times which felt really caring and like she was holding me safe. The second of the two sessions in particular I felt something shift inside me. A little bit of the walls crumbling. I felt my self-consciousness melting and as we sat on the floor next to each other, not even talking, I felt deeply inside me like she really cares. In that moment the inner critic (who popped up to doubt the authenticity of what Anna was saying to me) was easily silenced. I knew she was right there with me in that moment.

So, on Saturday I walked in feeling good. I wanted to briefly tell her how amazing the past two sessions had felt and then talk a bit about how I felt about her going on holiday for two weeks… going from seeing her twice a week for two full months to no contact for two weeks. When I sat down I felt instantly like things were different, not bad just not as intimate and close. In the very difficult sessions, where I am feeling things deeply and feeling very seen, where I feel like she is being caring… it’s hard to explain but it’s like a filtered down, concentrated, potent version of therapy. It is focused and powerful and intense like very loud music listened to on headphones… I can’t help but feel it… those are the sessions where I can really feel the connection between us. During other sessions when I don’t feel emotions that deeply or don’t get upset, the ones where I stay in my adult and she doesn’t feel the need to be as overtly nurturing, they just don’t feel as connected – they are like listening to music that’s playing in another room, it’s muffled and not as clear. Unfortunately, the sessions before a break often feel less connected. I have two theories about that. One theory is that I unconsciously don’t give as much in the session before a break because a part of me is pre-empting the abandonment, so I reject her first. The other theory (one which Sirena suggested to me) is that Anna holds us both back in the session, not allowing me to go too deeply into anything very meaningful so that I’m not left carrying any painful residue or dealing with a kickback with no session to support me through the aftermath. Either way I am left feeling like all the closeness, connectedness and warm fuzzy feelings were all in my head and never happened in the first place. I feel like I must have imagined the intimacy, must have imagined the caring… how could I be so stupid to actually thinks she cares. Then I have to leave her office with this gnawing doubt about the authenticity of our relationship and not see her for however long.

So, back to Saturday’s session… I happened to mention that I’d been receiving a lot of messages through my blog and Instagram page from people who had found my words affirming, validating… saying it resonated with them… and I told Anna I felt a real sense of community amongst these people and that not only did they find my writing helped them but them reaching out to me helped me. I was feeling less isolated and enjoying sharing. I had mentioned briefly in a previous sessionthat I’d started blogging but not gone into details. Anna stopped me and said, ‘you write about therapy on your blog?’ I nodded and immediately noticed something change in her. A slight flicker across her face, she shifted on her seat and rested her head on her hand. I asked her what she was thinking and she said, ‘that’s great that you’ve found it helps you.’ I nodded but was sure that wasn’t the full story. I didn’t give her a chance to even check in with herself, I started to fire off statements that I thought might counteract whatever it was she was thinking, ‘it’s completely anonymous, it’s not my real name, or yours… I only share what I’m comfortable sharing… you wouldn’t even recognise yourself if you read it!’ she smiled and said, ‘would I not?’ I said, ‘even if you knew the name and googled it, it wouldn’t come up, it’s such a tiny part of the internet, only a handful of people read it and I’ve blocked everyone I know in real life from the therapy Instagram page… no one could find it!’ I could tell she was trying to give me a reassuring expression.

I said, ‘I can tell you’re thinking something negative about this just tell me what it is!’ she thought for a split second (that always feels minutes long) and said, ‘I was concerned because you’re just in the early stages of feeling comfortable sharing with me and I don’t want you to be putting yourself in a vulnerable place where you could be open to criticism and hurt… I know your adult might be comfortable sharing these things because you know it’s anonymous but it’s important to think about your child… how she feels having these things out there…’ I felt like she thought I was an idiot, doesn’t she think I know how to keep myself safe? I said, ‘why can’t you just be happy for me!?’ I felt like saying, ‘what, so you want me to share but only with you? You want me to talk but only if it’s just you!? Our little secret, is that what it is? Don’t tell anyone else… don’t talk to anyone else!?’ I didn’t say that though (although that should be brought up next time because that’s definitely an old wound). I kept reiterating, ‘it’s anonymous, I’ve hardly shared anything anyway…’ Anna said, ‘I was concerned but you’ve reassured me that it’s anonymous, I don’t know how blogs work anyway and this is the first time I’ve ever experienced this so it’s all new to me… I’ve never had a client tell me they write a blog… we talk about very personal, sensitive stuff in here…’ I said, ‘I don’t think you are worried about me, it feels like you’re worried about you – you’re worried that you’ll be recognisable in what I write!’ I felt like she didn’t trust me. She looked carefully at me and said, ‘you think I care more about whether I’m anonymous or not rather than caring about you… like how your mum always made everything about her?’ I replied, ‘hmmm yeah… well?’ Anna repeated that I’d reassured her and that she understood we were both anonymous.

We moved on to talk about a doctors appointment I’d had the previous day. When I’d come home my husband immediately greeted me at the door wanting to know how it had gone and even though it was fine and the thing I’d gone for had turned out to be a false alarm (thankfully) I was angry at him and wanted to just storm off upstairs. I didn’t want to tell him about the appointment. I was annoyed he was asking me. Anna helped me see that in that moment I felt two things (both relating to my mother)… one was that I felt like he would think I’d ‘made a big deal out of nothing’ and the other was that he wanted to find out the results to alleviate his own worries, not because he wanted to see how I felt about it. Neither of those things were true of him, they were both transference from childhood stuff. Anna then helped me see that Adam cared a lot about me and was just showing his love for me by asking me how it went.

I then quickly jumped out of that thread and said, ‘I still don’t feel okay about the blog stuff I want to go back to that.’ Anna said, ‘okay, what’s coming up for you?’ I said I felt really yucky. I pulled my knees up to my chest and sat sideways in my chair facing the wall and not looking at her. I said, ‘I wish I’d never brought it up now!’ She said, ‘oh why?’ in a kind and sympathetic tone. I said, ‘well it’s spoiled everything, it all feels weird now, I want to make you believe that it’s all fine, I need you to believe me, I don’t feel like you believe me (another old wound) it’s totally anonymous, it feels good to write it, I want you to be okay with it!’ She said, ‘Lucy, you’ve done nothing wrong here. You’ve done nothing wrong. I believe you, you’ve reasured me. I don’t read blogs, I don’t know how they work, I just wanted to know you were keeping yourself safe… does that make sense?’ I felt very stubborn and angry as if she was taking something fun away from me. I also felt like she was criticising blogs by saying that she doesn’t read them. I really was taking everything she said personally. (Now that I’m relfecting and writing about this I’m finding it interesting that this teen part of me decided to show up in THIS session… the one just before a break! What’s that all about? I wonder if it’s because I spent the past two sessions talking about horrible things that happened to me when i was a teenager. Like I’m testing her or something… do you really care about me? Even when I’m like this!?)

We moved on to talk about how I felt about her going on holiday. I said, ‘obviously I am glad you’re taking a break, you deserve a holiday… and selfishly I want you to be well rested and ready for all my shit so I’m glad you’re going on holiday! I want you to have a good time. But there is another part of me that feels very differently. In the past I wouldn’t have shared this because it wouldn’t change anything so what’s the point in saying it and I don’t want to make you angry or whatever but now I understand that it doesn’t matter if expressing my feelings wont change anything, what matters is that I get to share how I feel and have my feelings heard…’ I had turned myself back round to face her again and looked at her as she smiled and nodded, encouraging me on… she said, ‘so, how do you feel about me going on holiday?’ I said, ‘I don’t want you to go! I don’t WANT you to go! The past couple of months have felt amazing, I like seeing you twice a week I don’t want to stop, I want to see you twice a week forever and ever!’ I sort of laughed and she smiled. I said, ‘I don’t want it all to change. I don’t want to go back to the way it was before.’ Anna said she didn’t feel like I would go back to that. She talked about how difficult it used to be for me to say anything, that I talked slowly and deliberately with lots of long pauses as I carefully, thoughtfully considered every word. She told me that I’m not like that anymore, I’m far more comfortable with sharing things and can often dive right into a subject without the big preamble like I used to do. It was nice to hear her say that.

I said I was really sad that I was losing the twice a week sessions but I just can’t afford it long term. This month is going to be so hard because not only does she have a two week holiday, she also has a training day one of the Saturdays and on another I can’t make it. Anna picked up her diary and looked at me, she said, ‘I could arrange to come in a couple of Sundays so we can keep up the consistency if that would help?’ I said that would be amazing, then I said, ‘how would you feel about me doing Tuesdays fortnightly along with the Saturdays. So that I’m not completely dropping the Tuesdays?’ She agreed to that immediately and then said, ‘well, how about I just don’t take on a new client, so your slot on Tuesday will remain yours and you can come whichever Tuesday you want.’ I was so touched that she would do that, she would forfeit the money she’d get from a new client just to keep my slot free for when I need it. I told her I’d prefer that to a Sunday and she said, ‘me too, I’d rather not work a Sunday if I don’t have to.’ And it struck me that she actually meant she would come in to the office just for me on a Sunday. I was really moved by this and thanked her for helping me find some way to work it all out. Now that I type this out I can see that she does still care about me. She has consistently tried to find ways to help me within her boundaries. I need to remember that.

After Saturday’s session I freaked out about the blog stuff. I felt completely derailed. I sent her two very long texts (one going on and on about how I need her to believe me and the other talking about how ‘it’s my story to tell anyway!’) – thenI panicked and requested a phone call and then four hours later (after no reply) I sent a text asking her to ignore all those messages. I couldn’t stand the pain of no response and just told her I felt fine now. Told her to enjoy her holiday. I felt like such a selfish bitch texting her on her holiday. I hope she doesn’t hate me for doing that.

I’ve reflected on all of this with two close friends. They both helped me see more clearly what was going on for me. My inner teen was massively triggered by Anna showing care for me by being slightly protective and cautioning me on looking after myself. This type of care does not sit well with my teen. I never experienced this kind of care from my parents. They were never consistent, they didn’t have rules, I wasn’t given boundaries, I didn’t have a curfew, there was never a list of things I wasn’t allowed to do, I was never disciplined in a fair and consistent way… but every so often I would unwittingly break an invisible rule that would send one of my parents into a blazing fury or push my mother to her emotional breaking point. I never knew where I stood. I could never predict how they were going to respond. One minute she’s pressuring me into taking a joint with her boyfriend, the next she’s screaming at me coz she found a joint in my top drawer when she was snooping. I remember her once getting angry at me for back answering her when I was about 17. She shouted, ‘you will respect me, I am your mother!’ I was usually very compliant and eager to please her but by this point that part of me was dead. I laughed in her face and said, ‘are you fucking kidding me? NOW you decide to mother me? I don’t fucking think so!’ and walked away from her. This is exactly how I felt with Anna… like ‘how dare you try to tell me how to look after myself! I’ve been looking after myself my whole fucking life, how dare you tell me what to do…’ mega teen kick back. It’s the part of me that HATES being told what to do. I remember when I’d been working with Paul for about two years and we were reflecting on our sessions and he said, ‘I learned very early on that you don’t like being told what to do.’ I didn’t understand back then why I was like that and I’m not even sure he did… but I know now – it’s because it feels like the person who is doing this thinks I’m incompetent. And it feels threatening to the part of me that had to grow up fast and look after myself. When I was little, care felt like letting a person do whatever they wanted. Anna is teaching me that care is actually boundaries, care is calling someone out when you know they’re bull-shitting or criticising themselves, care is questioning a person’s actions or words. But this all hurts so much when you’ve never had it before. One of my friends likened it to my daughter and how I won’t let her go to the park without me yet. My daughter might think I’m being unfair but actually it is the love and care I have for her that has dictated that decision. Anna cares about me and wanted to make sure I am thinking carefully about my decisions.

Since reflecting on all of this I have modified a couple of things on my blog and the Instagram page, just to ensure anonymity. I feel so much better about it all. I’m looking forward to sharing this insight with Anna who will probably have no clue that this rupture has happened!

34 thoughts on “I Can Look After Myself

  1. Looks like you’ve hit some big realisations here. I understand how the conversation about the blog can feel triggering – it’s an important part of your process at the minute and you don’t want to feel like A doesn’t approve. From what you’ve written I think she is exactly as she says, just trying to ensure you’re protected it’s not about judging you as doing something wrong. I wonder if part of it is also about the fact it is anonymous feeding into this in a weird way? For me it’s an odd balance I like to write, I find it essential at times, and yet the fact it’s all behind a wall of anonymity kind of makes part of me feel like I’m doing something wrong because I’m hiding – there are very sensible reasons for this but I think it also is in some way tied to shame. It’s a secret. I would die if people in my family or friends could link my blog to me because why??? Because they’d see how mental And broken I am. The attachment stuff is cringe and I’m certain most people I know wouldn’t understand! It sounds like A keeping your session time is a real act of care on her part and I’m really pleased it’ll allow you some flexibility with sessions and cancellations etc. Take care and be gentle with yourself x

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    1. I know exactly what you mean about the shame and anonymity being interlinked. I’ve pondered that as well. At the moment it does feel like a really important part of the process and ironically it’s helped me progress with her in sessions! If I’ve been reluctant to talk about something bit I’ve received support here, I’m more likely to just dive in and say it.
      You’re right, I think there is real care there, there’s just such a large part of me that’s reluctant to see that or let it in. Thanks for that 💕

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  2. I really relate to those teen feelings. I never got to be a teenager, I had to parent my siblings and my mother, yet my mother would demand respect “because I’m your mother”. I always wanted to shout back at that.

    As for sharing on your blog, I find your posts very valuable though I often don’t have much to comment as it’s hard to articulate… I hope Anna is reassured and that you feel safe sharing. If some troll posts, you can delete their comments or let us support you! ❤

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    1. Yay, I do feel I would be supported if a troll landed on my blog 💕
      I was thinking about printing a couple of posts off to show her but I’m not sure she’d find that reassuring if she doesn’t fully understand about how anon the blog is. I feel safe and I enjoy writing ☺️

      Yeah I was the same – parentified and made to look after my mum and brother. It’s hard when you feel like you missed out on those carefree years, the need is still very much there!

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      1. Maybe she also needs to trust *you*. 🙂 I think sometimes our stuff can stir up our therapist’s stuff. I know mine sometimes shares (very briefly and always to help my therapy) her reactions to some things I do,

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      2. You probably would be supported if some troll replied. I’ve twice had people replying very, well they were just clueless. It was insensitive and hurtful although not meant to be that way. Both times (months apart) someone else – different people – responded in defence.

        Good luck with the break. Is it a rupture? Yes, because for you it is so it is. And getting past it would just build the walls stronger. The analogy I used with my ex therapist was that we’d break the wall, so thereby knock in bolts and rods to hold it together, now, although there was the crack, in that specific place the wall was much stronger.

        Love, light and glitter

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  3. LovingSummer

    I’d like to add to the WordPress voice saying your blog is an incredibly useful resource. I’ve found reading some of your stuff so brilliant to recognise, because when I do some tension in me relaxes. It makes me realise perhaps I am not so alone after all – someone has walked this path and look at how they describe it so accurately, often better than I could!
    I think it helps to knock the shame off its perch because it makes such sense and explains such a lot, which helps me stop kicking myself. And when a person is raw and honest it doesn’t matter that they’re anonymous. It’s the words on the page that carry the weight.

    I can imagine my therapist might feel exposed at first though, until he’s got used to the idea of being in my blog. I’d want to print a page of my journal out to prove I’m not portraying him unfairly, but that’s because I still feel I have to prove everything and I’m not suggesting you actually do that because I probably wouldn’t do it myself in real life, I just think I’d want to, which is different.
    If I told Guy I write about his therapeutic interventions in my blog I could imagine his startled expression and would fear it could make him want to guard what he says or does if he’s going to be quoted by me to the rest of the world. I wonder if that’s what you’re feeling about Anna a little bit? We haven’t discussed it like you guys have though, so Guy might surprise me, he often has!
    I have sometimes felt the conflict of wanting to show him my blog so he understands me better and can see how he’s helped, but also wanting to hide it from him even knowing it exists in case he doesn’t like it. So I think I can understand a bit of your conflict about having been brave enough to even voice to Anna that your blog exists in the first place. Anyway, I’m glad it does, and please do keep it up for as long as [we need] you need to.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Aw that was lovely to read. I’m so glad you like reading my blog 🥰
      You’re right about it being the words that are important. That’s also how I feel about other blogs. It’s not my real name on here but that’s the only thing that’s not real. I am a real woman, experiencing these things, currently lying in my sick bed typing this comment on my phone really touched that you have commented. That’s all very real.
      Maybe Anna was feeling strangely exposed on learning that I talk about my therapy on the blog (I find it amusing to imagine what she thought I wrote about… I haven’t told her the ENTIRE PREMISE of the blog is that it’s a therapy blog! Haha). Maybe this triggered something personal in her about her privacy. I guess I’ll need to explore it a bit more when I see her next.

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  4. I really relate to what you’ve said at the start about feeling very seen and connected in the very difficult sessions, like a potent version of therapy. I experience this a lot either when I’ve been in a really bad place with huge emotions flying everywhere, or also when we’ve talked a lot and I’ve been mostly in my adult and managed eye-contact, and we’ve talked a lot about daily life struggles, rather than very deep work (which is good, because I don’t want to have to be in a super bad place to feel connected and held of course!).

    With regards the blog – I saw a therapist last summer for two sessions when K had just told me she was taking 2019 off as a sabbatical (which didn’t happen in the end, obviously!) and she said she won’t work with clients now who write about their therapy online, either on a blog or some other website. The reason for this being that she had seen ruptures blow up even more after a client blogged about it and a million people waded in with their responses and opinions without knowing the full story, and also it stops the work being done in the room – big feelings get worked through online and not in the therapy, etc. She said the kind of blogging I do (tying things together and reflecting and so on) would be fine, but she had made a personal decision not to work with those who blog about therapy and difficulties with their therapists and so on in real time. I wonder if it might help to make this distinction with Anna when you see her also, as I get the impression your blog is more of a reflective place and you tend to write about things afterwards. If Anna doesn’t read blogs she might find it hard to imagine what and how you write on it, and worry that it would detract from the work and so on. Just an idea I had anyway, if it comes up again! Hope you get through the break okay – it’s great that she is willing to be flexible around Tuesdays and so on when you move back to one session a week xx

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    1. LovingSummer

      Wow, sounds like some can take it really seriously. Maybe I won’t ever mention it to Guy after all then! I wonder where they stand with someone who doesn’t blog until later. Perhaps the specify it as a boundary but even though I can see why they might not light it, it seems a little controlling to me.

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      1. It’s writing about the ruptures in real time she minded, because it disrupts the work and prevents progress being made. She wasn’t criticising people who do this, but she didn’t want to work in this way. I think when someone’s triggered they give a very different version of events on their blog than they would at a later point, so all the input they get from fellow bloggers further distorts things and serves to validate their triggered and perhaps erroneous thinking, if that makes sense? I can see how it might seem controlling, but I guess she sets it out at the start and potential clients can then choose whether to work with her or not. I blogged during a rupture with K once, a long time ago, and the well-meaning advice I got validated me so much that I fired off two angry emails to her and the rupture got bigger and ended up really hurting both of us, so I can see where this other T is coming from (and I definitely learnt my lesson too!).

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      2. LovingSummer

        I can see both sides to it, especially in light of your experience (though I bet you both made good use of it in session?!) and think probably calling it controlling sounds quite judgemental. It’s probably just my fears talking. Perhaps I could say it seems a little ‘strict’ instead?

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      3. Yeah, it does seem strict definitely! She was a strict therapist I think, though kind. She would have charged me pro rata for a weekly email check-in between sessions (K gives it free) and I definitely would have felt like just her job had I moved to her, even though she was very warm and validating!

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      4. That’s really interesting, thanks for giving your experience. There’s something very private and probably egotistical about me that doesn’t want to write publicly about things going wrong 😂 but this has helped me see that I should probably clarify what I wrote about to Anna. Although my knee jerk reaction is to just tell her I’ve stopped blogging and let’s pretend the conversation never happened! Lol

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      5. Haha lol. That is exactly what I would do! And I think it is also very healthy to want to keep difficulties private because people just focus on our Ts mistakes, and don;t know just how amazing they are 97% of the time! I struggled even to write about K putting that bloody sand tray photo on her website!!

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      6. Aw that sand tray thing broke my heart a little when I read it. Sometimes these mistakes they make can feel so heartless when really they would do everything they could to NOT hurt us.

        Yeah, I love Anna so much and just want everyone else to. As if you can’t tell by the way I wrote about her 😂

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      7. Haha, I never would have known! It’s so weird with the sand tray thing, because it really hurt and yet when we were in the room with her yesterday it didn’t matter at all! A teen part had written in our journal that she hated that K had put a photo of our very special sand tray on the INTERNET! And K just winced and said sorry and it all felt fine. Like it’s so obvious when I’m there and we’re talking about all our special times in her house over the past 4 years that she remembers it all and does care. I’m so glad my teen parts were able to not kick off about it but at the same time I could ask her to take it down – a year ago both of those things would have been impossible!

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    2. In reply to your first paragraph – I wish I got that deep connection from the ‘adult… managing eye contact’ sessions. Maybe that tell me that my child/ teen parts desperately need the connection most right now and they feel left out when I’m fully in my adult? It’s validating to hear that you know what I mean.

      Your second point about the blog – wow that’s a fairly firm boundary she had! How would she know tho, did she ask if you wrote a blog? Yeah I feel like rather than working on the big feelings here, I share my experience afterwards. I think it’s a self protection thing, to not be tooooo vulnerable. I don’t fully share stuff that’s in the middle of going wrong… if that makes sense. It’s very interesting. Maybe I should print something off for her. I now wonder if I did violate her privacy somehow by not asking if she minded 😢

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      1. Yeah, it’s only a very recent thing that being adult with her feels deep and connecting, perhaps because we’ve worked together so long now so I feel she really knows adult me as well as younger parts. I don’t know. Also, I think those teen and young alter yearnings to be seen have *mostly* been worked through now, so during a very adult session they’re not kicking off inside and wanting attention anymore, which it sounds like still happens for you. ‘Sharing’ K among ALL the parts who want/need her attention is definitely less of a problem now than it used to be.

        I think the way you blog is perfect, not that it’s for me to say either way of course!!, but it definitely feels like a reflective space where you process afterwards. And it’s not somewhere you write and then avoid taking the things and feelings to therapy, which I can see might be a concern of Ts too. I have also found that writing about the work afterwards and pulling things together helps me not just to integrate it, but also to keep my sense of connection to K as well. From what you’ve written about Anna I can’t see she’d object to your blog at all if she saw it, but maybe showing her some posts would alleviate any concerns she might have.

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      2. I love the way you’ve explained all that in the last paragraph. Thank you!

        To reply to the parts bit… I think I was naive to think that I could talk in whatever way I wanted but as long as we hugged in the end, the younger parts would be fine with that. But that’s not the case. Tbh the need to cry with Anna has ramped up enormously and that’s a very young desire. So when I leave without feeling intense emotions I get a massive kickback of not having ‘done the work we need to do’.

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      3. I really relate to that! I’d feel cheated coming away after a session like that. Sorry to keep harping on about ‘how things were’ for me, it must be really annoying, but I honestly don’t get that anymore – not having intense sessions is just nice now 🙂

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  5. LovingSummer

    That’s exactly how I felt about telling Guy, like I imagine he could somehow feel his privacy was violated, though I don’t see it that way any more than violation of my own privacy (which I’m also not doing!), if that makes sense. I just see it more as telling my husband snippets, I edit out bits I think are too personal and share as much as I can, though less and less as time goes on, as much because I think he will get bored of hearing about it!

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    1. Oh no 😢 I hope she doesn’t feel hurt by me doing this. Like I’ve broken her trust. I really need to check that out with her. Yeah, I don’t really tell my husband much. Like a tiiiny amount of what actually happens. I only talk to people who’ve been in therapy coz they’ll understand 😂

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      1. LovingSummer

        Do you know what though, I just realised Guy once shared something that helped the session and said he would really want the whole world to know that about him… not in a bad way but just in a ‘I feel vulnerable sharing this’ kind of a way. I wonder if he had blogging in mind when he made that comment?!
        I have a strong feeling from what you’ve written about you and Anna that she will get you and your intentions and will already know that about you (no intention to break her trust).

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      2. I really hope you’re right (that last sentence).

        Aw that’s sweet that guy said that. I’m guessing you meant he said he wouldN’T want the whole world… which is lovely because he told you in confidence.

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  6. This sheds some light on your Instagram post.
    I can see Anna’s point of view, but I’m also interested in her knee jerk reaction. I understand her protection for you but I wonder what it has triggered for her personally. I don’t see it as violating the privacy of a therapist as they are the ones who have to maintain confidentiality. But it should be done with respect as it always is from what I have seen.
    CB’s point about blogging about ruptures is something that I have never thought of but is valid. I do think that people can get swept in the drama of it all and also want to help the person. I nearly wrote about my own session last night from anger and distress but couldn’t face it. Probably a good thing on reflection!
    I don’t see what is wrong with blogging as long as the stuff that is written about is worked through in therapy where it is most beneficial. My T has seen it as positive as I have been more open with her and given her more to work with.
    I hope you’re able to work it out and come to a happy medium about it. x

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yeah I’m interested in her reaction too. I didn’t give her a chance to process it. I noticed a slight reaction and forced her to tell me ‘what’s wrong’ rather than allowing her to go and reflect and then discuss it later. Perhaps she would have kept that part of it all to herself had she gone and reflected in her own therapy or supervision. But I pushed her to her thoughts.

      I’m glad you feel my blogging is respectful of her privacy and boundaries. I’ve printed a few blog posts to show her. Tempted to print this one and the comments but it would take up the whole session just having her read it all! Lol. Thanks for your supportive comments. 💕

      Liked by 2 people

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