I had a dream last night that felt very significant. It was drenched in massive emotions and lots of very vivid details.
In my dream I was very stressed and anxious – overwhelmed with mum duties. It was the morning time on a work/school day and I was getting my kids ready but I hadn’t left any time for myself to get ready for work. Then I turned around and to my surprise I had these two other children, a girl and a boy. They looked so much more like me than my own kids. They had my brown hair and eyes and I felt a very deep connection with them. I felt completely panicked and desperately grieved… how had I forgotten these other two children? How had I poured myself into meeting the needs of my (actual real life) privileged, blond haired children, excessively freaking out that I was failing them all the time, when really I was lavishing them with attention and love while completely neglecting these two brown haired, lonely, sad and afraid kids.
In my dream, two of my managers were in my house and I was desperately pleading with them to let me stay home so I could try to mend things with these two children I had rejected for all of their lives. I needed to see them, spend time with them and show them I love them. I could see my two (real) children were healthy and stable and secure and happy, in extreme contrast with the other two forgotten, lost children who looked neglected and unloved and sorely in need of care.
There was an urgent desire to make things right. To send my secure, happy and healthy kids off for the day knowing they were fine and then stay at home with these two poor neglected souls so that I could do my very best to meet their needs and tend to their broken hearts.
I woke up feeling very sad, like grief type sad… the first words I said to myself were, ‘those lost children were me…’
I need to find them and love them and hope they forgive me for all the years I’ve neglected them.