Thank you and goodbye

Hi Linda,

I wanted to let you know that I’ve decided I won’t need a session on Wednesday. As you rightly pointed out, I don’t make decisions lightly, I’ve thought carefully about this and took what you said on board encouraging me to think about what feels good and right for me. Despite the fact that I would enjoy chatting to you again, I don’t really need another session.

Yesterday’s session felt like a gentle, natural ending. We had time to reflect on what brought me to you and go over some of the things we worked through in our sessions. I felt there was a relaxed energy to the session and I was grateful that we agreed the door wasn’t completely closing. We will most likely see each other at some point at the centre, if not for a one off session in person then certainly by chance in passing. 

I think it’s a good idea for me to have a bit of space this week to rest before turning my attention back to the work Anna and I will be doing together. I’m really looking forward to seeing her again and I feel better prepared for the ‘unboarding’ of the windows thanks to you giving me space to express and unravel my thoughts and feelings in real-time as it was happening. Linda, you really helped me feel supported through the loss and grief I was experiencing a few weeks ago. I’m very grateful for that. You also helped me work through and process what was going on with Grace which had a really positive impact on how family life feels right now.

Working with you has made me reflect on my previously held assumption that for something to hold meaning and be important it has to last for a very long time and be forever remembered. We only had 6 sessions and there is a pull for me to drag it out for longer as if to make the length of time mirror the impact felt. But in that short space of time we did significant work and the impact of that will stay with me. In this space and time, it mattered. I have a tendency to be overly sentimental but I guess it makes sense that this has felt like a big deal to me considering it’s only in recent years that I really experienced this level of attunement and careful listening. It is important to me. 

My biggest take away from this whole experience is in learning that I am the driver and Anna is my guide. I always held the belief that she was the engine and I would break down without her. Through momentarily losing her I’ve been given an opportunity to learn that my personal growth needn’t ground to a halt if she is no longer available. I am able to look after myself, I knew that I didn’t want to do it alone and I was able to ask for and accept support from someone else. I’m glad I was able to learn this about myself.

Anyway, this is my characteristically brief (!) way of expressing my thanks to you for being there for me. I never was very good at being succinct.

Thank you for rising to the challenge of being my therapy aunty!

I hope you and those close to you stay well and safe over the next few months. 

Take care,

Lucy.

16 thoughts on “Thank you and goodbye

  1. slantgirl

    i wrote a comment but i think i reloaded without posting! so beautiful, Lucy — i think she will be thrilled to receive it. Also, you could show it to Anna – it feels like so much of the way this played out is down to the work you’ve done with her, and you were able to make such good use of the support because of how far you’ve come. I love that you see yourself as the driver and Anna as the guide. I bet she will be very proud of you.

    Liked by 4 people

      1. slantgirl

        She will!! And you have time – there is no rush! Given your hard boundary around knowing about her life, do you think you want to know what was wrong?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Yes I do want to know and I’m going to really study that boundary and how it impacts my work with her. The boundary belongs with my mother (and my previous therapist). Anna is a transferencial object I guess. I didn’t want to be hurt by her like I was by them.

        Thank you for reminding me there’s no right. I needed that.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. slantgirl

        You know when you post about Paul it always makes me wonder about me and my T, because we have a bit of that dynamics going on. Sometimes it makes me wonder if I should cut and run, then start over with someone else with that boundary that you’ve set in place: I want to know nothing! Because I want to know everything, actually, and it feels very hard sometimes to hear bits but not all of it, Nd it keanme want to go look (mostly I don’t, sometimes I do).That said, she is super into talking about transference and attachment,

        Liked by 1 person

      4. slantgirl

        Oops hit send accidentally… and so much of our work, once I could own up to having a shit ton of transference with her, has been about unpacking it. It’s been so difficult, but also so productive, and there have been so many breakthroughs because I learned how I really own up to and inhabit my shame around needing her, aNd also around projecting so much into her. I wonder if that could be some of the work with you and Anna.. I love what you said there, about needing to set that boundary with your mum and Paul, but it not being necessary with someone like her who cares about you and is in your side.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Lol I didn’t see the second comment before I sent that last reply. Yes unpacking the transference is very important. Slowly working on it! Anna respected my boundary. With my mum and Paul I didn’t even know I was allowed to set them! It’s really incredible being in relationship with someone who consistently respects a boundary you’ve set when that’s not something you’ve experienced before. It’s very healing. I’m sure in time we will reassess that boundary and see what could work with us moving forward.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I would suggest talking to her about it. I think that’s the best thing you can do. I’ve talked to Anna about Paul and I’ve talked to Anna about the few things she’s said that I didn’t like. Also I’ve talked to Anna a little about online stalking. It’s where the work is. There are reasons we do this. Also, I would say that moving to a different therapist when the time is right is the best thing ever for growth. It really puts the power in your lap. But only when necessary not just for the sake of moving. 💕

        Like

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