I keep having dreams where Anna dies. It’s horrible. The latest one I went for my therapy session which was in a strange part of town, different building, different office… had my session in which I told her that the night before I’d dreamt of her dying and was so relieved she was here. Then I went to the toilet at the end of the session and when I came back to say goodbye she was gone. I asked a colleague who basically told me she’d been rushed to hospital and I just knew in myself she was dead. I was saying, ‘how am I going to process this? I can’t go to the funeral because I’m just a client, who will help me with this? Who will I talk to?’
I’ve had a look online and dreaming of death has been interpreted in a number of ways. It can symbolise inner change, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you and in your life. It can mean big changes are happening. Sometimes dreaming of death means you are approaching an end to something. Sometimes it can signify anxiety.
So now for how it might apply to me… we are working through some unexplored territory at the moment. I’ve increased my session frequency to twice a week because we’re going deeper in to memories I’ve never talked about and didn’t want to have to hold everything that comes up for a whole week until I see her again. I am letting the needy part of me surface every so often which feels a bit scary. I’m letting her care for me impact me and that’s also terrifying. Our relationship feels like it’s moved to a deeper level of trust and authenticity and Anna has been gently pushing me to have more ownership over my therapy. So does the death in the dream signify an end to me idolising her as the one who can ‘fix’ me and a realisation that it’s down to me? I need to help myself. Or does the dream signify a big anxiety I have of her abandoning me while we’re in the middle of a very challenging time when I feel like I need her the most? Am I frightened that she will leave before I get ‘better’?
I will need to speak to Anna about all of this. She recently did some dreams analysis training so maybe she’ll shed some light. However I have a feeling she’ll just say, ‘do you have a sense of what the dream might mean, Lucy?’ Because after all it’s my kind, my life, my feelings… I’m the expert right?
I’d be really interested to hear if anyone else has dreamt of their therapist dying and how they interpreted its meaning.