…before I go…

I am going to take a break from this page and my blog. It might only last a few days or it might be a few weeks. I’m going to continue interacting for the next 24 hours and then I’ll remove the apps from my phone so I’m not tempted. I need a break from the technology, the distraction, the constant pulling me away from my life and my feelings. I’m okay, I feel strong and clear headed but I’m also holding a lot of pain missing Anna more than ever. I’m going to have a session with Linda this week to help me unpack some things that have come up this week.

Before I go I want you to know… I’ve received many messages since my last post from people telling me that my page helps them make sense of themselves and they’ll miss me. They’ve said that what I write helps them feel less alone. I want you to know that you are not alone in your experiences. I’ve had the privilege of receiving hundreds of messages over the past year from people sharing their experiences and struggles and therapy journeys and I can tell you, WE ARE ALL THE SAME. Deep down, we all want to be seen and heard and loved for who we are. We’re all carrying deep pain and a longing for connection. I want you to know that however you are feeling makes total sense. Your coping strategies and defences make total sense. If I could give one piece of advice to those of you struggling with various things in therapy, I would encourage you to say that exact thing to your therapist. Tell them what’s not working. Tell them how you feel. Write it down, whisper it if you need to. Text it to them while they’re sat in front of you. Try any way to communicate your thoughts and needs… your therapist should meet this honest authenticity with total respect, safety, attunement and care. Anna has always gently encouraged me to share every thought and feeling and I believe that is the key to the progress I’ve made.
If you look at the pages I follow you’ll find some incredible therapy related accounts that you may not already be aware of. I really enjoy the connections I’ve made on here and the genuine friendships fostered. I really care about you all.

I’ll be around until this time tomorrow. 💙🌱🌸🌿🐼

13 thoughts on “…before I go…

  1. LovingSummer

    Spoken like a true therapist!
    You will be sorely missed Lucy, but enjoy your break away. I hope your session with Linda is fruitful for you, and that Anna comes back to you when you need that.
    It’s is beautiful timing that Anna spoke from the heart about how she values you and your therapeutic relationship, even when you’re not having actual contact.
    Your journey has been both touching and inspirational. You write with such honesty, it can only bring admiration for revealing yourself to another, like that. Take good care and I’m still keeping your alerts on, so I’ll be notified if you ever pop back to top up! 🥰

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Aw such a touching comment thank you! I’ll be back probably sooner than imagined! I’m already sensing a lot of reluctance to leave. I’m sure it will be a couple weeks at most. Thanks again for your kind words it was lovely to read. Take care 💞

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Lucy, before you go, I wanted you to know that I have been following you for awhile now from a distance. It is your blog posts that I wait for and have helped me the most. I used to have a blog, so I do understand your need for a break. I have a past history of trauma throughout my life since childhood, and a past history of trauma in therapy. I found a therapist when I was blogging who I thought would be good for me, but she was not and ultimately wounded me deeply. I was with her for three years and felt tortured the whole time because she could not connect with me. It wounded me deeply. I fell back into old patterns of not feeling good enough and too much all at the same time. I couldn’t face the fact that I was not wanted, again. I stayed way too long and in the end was devastated. I had already been betrayed by a pastor and raped by a therapist. It took me sixteen years to even try therapy again. I have spent the past seven months looking for a new therapist and grieving the loss of this connection. I have seen six or seven therapists for various amounts of time during this time frame and left them all. It was excruciating. Your blog, the relationship you have with Anna is one of the things that kept me going. I learned that therapy can be different from you. That there are therapists who are trained in attachment issues and who aren’t afraid of our trauma. A few weeks ago, after all these months… and years, I finally found the one. I found a therapist who gets me. She not only is with me, but wants to go on this journey of healing with me. My soul has finally found a home. All my wounded parts are both excited and scared. But I think I am finally on the path to healing. And like you, I want to savor it, experience it, live it all. Not a single stage of my life has been normal, I want to live this part. I thought the other day, “What is grief?” I realized that grief is honoring the pain. And then I realized that therapy is honoring the trauma. It needs to be seen and heard and validated…. all of it. I want you to know Lucy that I see you, I hear you, I feel your struggle. You are such a beautiful soul. My poetry means something to my new therapist. She sees my pain and heartache and struggle in it. I can even share music that touches me deeply and moves me to tears. She actually listens to it with me and wants to know what it makes me feel and she shares with me what it makes her feel for me. I have never had a therapist be interested in my wounds, much less my poetry, or the music that moves me. In every session she wants to know what I need and want and to be in complete control because I have never had control in my life or in therapy before. I did discover over the past few months that I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). It has helped to put my past into perspective. I wonder sometimes if you could be too. Dr. Elaine Aaron has a website and several books. One is called the Highly Sensitive Person. This is not implying that others are not sensitive, it has been scientifically proven that about 10 to 20% of the population is highly sensitive. We feel things deeply and have a need to process things deeply, and also have a need to care for ourselves differently. Trauma effects us deeper too. This may be something for you to look into. My therapist is an HSP and loves working with HSP’s. She has welcomed me with open arms, wounds and all. I wanted and needed so much what you have with Anna. You gave me hope that I could. I appreciate you so much, more than I can say. I do know the courage it takes to blog and the energy and I understand your need. You are wise to take care of yourself. I looked for an email address to contact you privately, but couldn’t find one. I couldn’t let you go without thanking you. I wish you and your family all the best! You deserve all the kindness life has to offer you. I don’t comment on anyone’s blog since I stopped blogging myself. I was in such a bad place when I stopped blogging and I didn’t know at the time that I was highly sensitive. I didn’t leave gracefully or say good-bye. I just left. I do feel bad for that now, I did the best I could at the time though. You have helped me so much Lucy and I wanted you to know that before you go. Thank you!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. That was really such a wonderful thing to read. My heart was in my throat at parts but I rejoiced when I read that you have finally found the caring, respectful and attuned therapist you deserved all along. I’m so so sorry you experienced all the awful things you’ve been through. I’m so glad you survived and that you’re here. If you wish to be in contact this is my email address. finding.lucy.king@gmail.com

      I will be back… might only even take a few days off! It all depends on how things feel. Take care of yourself and seriously, thank you so much for your kind words. It means the world to me 🥰

      Liked by 2 people

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